I've been meaning to write you this letter for so long, but if there's anything you've taught me, it's there is a time for everything and if that time hasn't come, it's not yet the right time. Here's to right timing. I realize you won't be here for much longer and it'll be 28 years before we see you again so I just wanted to thank you. You've taught me so much about time, like when I take plenty of time for myself, it seems like I suddenly have more time for everybody else.
When you first came around, I found myself having to deal with a lot of sh*t (a bird literally pooped on my baggage the day you showed up those couple years ago). You highlighted all the ways that my life was messy and unmanageable. You made it so that I couldn't ignore the pesky health issues that would've become full blown crises if not for you. You made sure I had all the help I needed to do the hard work of recovering too. You made it so I had to learn how to reign in my feelings and find responsible and more appropriate ways to express them. For my more restrained loved ones, you helped them to find the feelings they were bottling up so that they could learn to be with them better too.
Most amazingly, I learned how to say NO with love. I learned that if something is worth doing, it probably can't really be rushed and that the stuff we rush probably just doesn't matter anyway (and if it's the other way around, it's a sign to slow down and reconnect with our actual priorities). Thanks for making it okay to recycle piles of papers that I'd been meaning to get to for years. Thanks for making it so obvious when I've overdone it, for giving me so much practice with coming back to center that it's more easeful than it ever has been and almost even graceful now.
You taught us that while merging into our interconnectedness can be delicious, our skeletons are separate and it's okay to bend & flex away from difficult people so as not to break. I hope that I get to keep the lessons on how to separate well while still sharing air; how to detach without burning bridges in the process. Thanks for making sense of boundaries (hint: if you have to tell someone you need boundaries, you're probably not living your own boundaries very well). Thanks for showing me where I've been too rigid and where I need to tighten up.
Thanks for making it easy to work harder on what matters, but impossible to work too hard. Thanks for showing me that uncertainty is often just a sign that it's not yet time to know or decide. In that, it's now such a gift to cozy up to not knowing and not yet. There can be liberation in de-liberation. You've also shown me that critique always comes from a place of loving respect even when it's hard to hear. Thanks for helping me to see the beauty that commitment can bring particularly when we don't ignore the ugly of it. Thanks especially for giving me the wisdom of grief and awareness of mortality that helps me to live and love better than I ever could've before.